...Sitting there praying for a Christmas Miracle...I close my eyes and pray "how amazing would a positive test be...it would literally be a Christmas miracle..." I open my eyes.
The test....that little window on that stick showed me a word that I had not seen since I saw it when we found out we were expecting Logan! God had heard my prayers! There it was a test reading POSITIVE! A POSITIVE PREGNANCY TEST!!! There I was shaking from the shock with tears streaming down my face...I go down to the basement...Moe gets up scared that something was wrong...worry consumes his face...cause well his wife just came downstairs in basically silent tears and not saying anything...I show him and we are both in shock at this time...the first words out of my mouth were "Its really happening! Its positive! God heard us...were having a baby! AGAIN!" We got on our knees and prayed we thanked God for answering our 4 year long prayer, for not forgetting about us, for blessing us again. We prayed for this pregnancy, we prayed for the baby to grow healthy, for my to be healthy. We thanked him over and over again.
To have kept this news quiet has NOT been easy! We couldn't wait to share the news that our family is growing! I wanted to be out of the first trimester before we broke the news to the world. So we began this pregnancy journey...taking it all one week at a time....from what we calculated we put ourselves just at about 5 weeks or so...the next day I call the doctor to schedule our first visit...they said they could schedule me in at 7 weeks which is around the the time you have that first fist. Excited I schedule that appointment and mark it on the calendar! As this first week went by and then the second I start each day with prayer asking for healthy, protection and Gods grace over this pregnancy and our new baby as well as for Logan. As the end of the week approaches I notice something worrisome...spotting of course this is terrifying any type of bleeding is not what you want to see this early and I call the doctor explain the situation and she basically said its best to come in and get checked out just to be sure everything's and since my first visit was scheduled for monday anyway we would just do everything that afternoon.
As I'm driving to the doctor I pray and pray and pray. Please protect the baby, Please be with the baby, keep the baby, our miracle healthy. We get to the appointment they check everything and we are perfectly fine. They do an ultrasound to just check that the baby is where it should be and as the screen turns on all we see is my gestational sac. The ultra sound tech tells me that this is absolutely normal because I'm just teetering between 4 and 5 weeks along so the baby is still so small that they wouldn't come up on on the ultrasound just yet. The doctor has us meet her in the room again and explains the spotting is normal this early but because we found out so soon at this point we don't know which way things will go and just to hold tight till our next appointment which she suggest we schedule sometime at the beginning of January but in the meantime to have some labs run to be sure that my hormone levels are increasing which means the baby is growing so they take a tube of blood and we call it a day. 48hours later I need to go get another blood draw done to see if our numbers are increasing...ok test number two done and we wait...now I have no idea what my first labs were so when I saw the results from the second lab the next day and they were only 172 I thought thats a really low number but according to Doctor Google that would put me at 4ish weeks pregnant like the doctor said so I tried not to over think things...cause as long as the numbers went up thats what we wanted to see...so who know the first lab may have been really low...
The next afternoon the doctor calls me...I can hear it in her voice when she asks me if I can talk...I step out of the office and say of course. She basically tells me my levels have dropped...and not just by a little but very very dramatically. She explains that the first lab came back with a number of 4420 and the second of 172...at this point she basically explained to prepare myself for the outcome I was dreading...I explained to her that I would want my body to do its thing naturally and she suggested that we do one more blood draw that evening just to check one more time cause she has never seen a drop like this before. I agree with her and for some reason I was so calm and without worry. I didnt panic, I wasnt afraid, I knew God had something in store for us.
